Life is not easy, especially when you are living with a broken heart. When our heart is broken, we hold back our best, we question ourselves, fearing that who we are is not enough. We want to give and receive but the thought of being rejected again is too much, so we don't.
The ghosts that whisper in our ears about the past are not there to guide us in a better direction. They certainly are not there to teach us about love. They are there to keep us away from the experience of being hurt again. They can do nothing else because... they are from the past. How can we find what we are looking for when we are hiding in the corner of what we never want to experience? Avoiding being hurt does not move us closer to love. It moves us further away, because the same mechanism meant to keep out the pain, will keep out the love as well. We may have needed walls to protect ourselves for a time. Our bodies are amazing. But the past will continue to check in and replay that moment. When the walls are no longer serving you, they must be dismantled in order to move forward.
For me, it starts by acknowledging the past experience that I have been trying to forget but continue to relive. Acknowledging looks like this: Rather than pushing that "thing", lets say the experience of a broken heart away from me, I acknowledge that it happened. Does this seem too simple? Think about how much time we spend trying not to think about that thing. Maybe you look at it in your minds eye with disgust. Maybe you dust around it. Whatever your thing is, I am suggesting that you simple acknowledge it. The reality is that you are already reliving the experience again and again anyway. Instead of telling it to go away, I am simply asking you to say, yes I see you.
So, I acknowledge and then... I embrace it. Embracing is different. Embracing looks like this: Rather than labeling that same broken heart and adding all the stories of what happened, why it happened and why it wasn't fair, just try to be with your broken heart. No judgement or story behind it. Just the shitty reality that you had your heart broken.
That is no different than listening to the ghost whispering right? Wrong. That was about staying away. This is about acknowledging, not dismissing the fact that you have a past. You get unstuck by embracing and accepting the present just as it is... at this moment. What does this change? It allows the past to be heard. Nobody likes not being heard. Once heard and acknowledged, the past can be... in the past. It should have a space but it is only a memory. When you embrace who you are, acknowledging all the parts up to this point, you are able to accept and love yourself and the people around you without the need to hide. This is incredibly empowering and it's what will move you forward.
So, next time you catch yourself listening to the whispers of the past and notice that you are stuck in a familiar circle, do a 180. Try something different: Acknowledge your past for what it is. Do not be embarrassed, make excuses or put yourself down. It is your past. We all have one. Then, embrace the story in the present for what it is and accept yourself just as you . This will empower your future. I know you got this! This is Lifein180.