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Dialogue From Within

I received a text from my partner, it read I love you too 😘. I read the text and looked at the one I had written him, it was filled with rows of hearts and in ALL CAPS said, I LOVE YOU. The fleeting thought that came into my head was, he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. Then came the emotion of sadness. In less in 2 seconds I went from feeling loved to not feeling loved enough. I became very aware to what I had just done. I took a deep breath in…than this popped into my head, images of beautiful gifts of words he has written me plus the fact that he is the one that inspired me to write all those hearts and endearing words because he did it first. I shook my head from side to side. I feel as if I’m going crazy. Maybe I am but something tells me I have some healing and a lesson to learn here. At that moment these statements came flashing in my head like a lit up billboard on Broadway. “I need attention.” “I need to know I mean something to somebody.” Tears fell down my cheeks. The awareness of these two statements has brought me clarity and has given me the opportunity to look at myself with fresh eyes and a different perspective. I shouldn’t seek these expectations from an outside source. This isn’t fair to do so. It is only setting one up for failure from the get go. It will never be enough because the only person who could possibly fulfill my needs is ME. I am the one that provides those things for me. I need to believe in me. Give myself attention. Upon this realization I felt a freeing of something inside. Acknowledging my own feelings and story I was telling myself. Allowed me to free up this unnecessary seeking behavior. Embracing all of who I am empowered me to look within and to grow. To know I am enough. This is life in 180.


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