Take Charge of You

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One evening, I went for a walk and it was getting late near dinnertime. As I was getting closer to my home. I began to crave Indian cuisine. There’s a yummy restaurant near me. This in turn, made me think about my partner. It’s one of our favorite places to eat. I started to feel a bit sad because he wasn’t with me but then caught myself and I stopped that train of thought. The dialogue within me went like this….you’re hungry, you’re capable of walking to the restaurant, you have the means to pay. What is stopping you? I giggled to myself. The simple answer was, me. I realized I had a choice: I could either deny myself what I was wanting to eat or just go do it. I decided to go get what I wanted to eat. When I was ordering my food I felt this air of confidence within. Like I had just proven something to myself. I suppose I did. I decided to not wait for “something” or “someone” at that moment. I know this may seem so elementary but I can’t tell you how many times I have put my wants and desires on hold because I have waited for the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect something....I am becoming more and more aware of this self made obstacle. Seeing it for what it is, an excuse to not do something because of…. fill in the blank. Do you have any self made obstacles that are stopping you? If so, take note and initiate a change. This awareness is a win win all around. In making this subtle shift in perspective I am truly beginning to open up more opportunities. What greater gift can I give myself? Knowing that I am capable and I am enough.

Do something kind for yourself. Do you have something that you would like to do but are waiting? This may seem silly to most but I have sent texts to myself saying, I love you! It puts a smile on my face. I also send flowers to myself once a month with a sweet note. Take yourself out for a date. Go watch the sunset. May I suggest that you just do it. Prove to yourself that you can because you are enough. You always have been and always will be. For me, these little things bring me joy. Why wait? I am perfectly capable of doing them for myself. Independence is a bliss. I seek happiness and I have always been aware that I am the only one that can truly make myself happy. Give yourself a smile or pat on the back in these complicated times, goodness me oh my, you deserve it. Let’s empower ourselves and others to be the best.

This is #lifein180

Tips on How to Survive a Toxic Environment

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From time to time, we may experience a toxic environment. Toxic environment can make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck, your heart begins to race, you may feel dazed and confused. The word, anxious comes to mind. These are just a few of my personal flags of awareness when I find myself in this type of environment. Are you aware of your flags?

Toxicity brings out our best defense weapons. These weapons of mass destruction may be: passive-aggressive, silent treatment, pointing fingers, shouting, storming off or attacking. What are yours? Do you have more than one?

These weapons are used to protect us but I am here to tell you that is an old story. These weapons are used to mask our own personal fears and insecurities. Plus they only scare and push people away. They set battlegrounds for both toxic interactions and relationships. Becoming aware that you are doing this is key in turning this upside down and on its head. For me, interacting in a different way has truly changed the way I handle these types of interactions. Instead of reacting, I respond. Knowing that when we react this comes from a place where fear and anger lingers. Our words become swords and weapons. It is often an automated defense mechanism that we have perfected over the years. Instead, I choose to respond. This comes from a place where I am able to remove all personal attachments and listen to what that person is saying. For the sake of them being their words from their life experience. We all have wounds and are on different stage in our life's journey.

These are the steps I take to initiate this response. First, I pause. Take a deep breath in and out. I may do this a couple of times I detach myself by removing my ego from the conversation. I visualize this person’s inner child and this totally shifts my perspective. I began to see that this person is using their voice the best way they know how in order to convene an idea or point. I then have a sense of calmness. Instead of firing weapons and tightening up my defenses. Which only pushes that person further away and escalates the situation. Instead, I speak my truth. I’m vulnerable. Opening up your heart to another person is scary as everything. Exposing a fear, hurt or pain may seem like an execution on the spot but its effects are completely the opposite. Once you start doing this you will find that it will defuse the conversation. Try it! I double dog dare you. This is a process. A rewarding one, I must add. However, keep in mind, Its not a one and done type of thing. I continually have to practice this and I feel so much better when my words are coming from my truth and heart. I feel much lighter and freer. Not heavy with guilt and remorse. Put down your weapons and join me in speaking your truth. Empower yourself with your words and knowing your boundaries and flags. This is Lifein180.

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Take Time to Check in with Self

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Check in with Yourself: Introspection

The answers to life’s most important questions can be found inside of you. I have found it essential to take time for yourself and to check in on what is important to you. To know your values and boundaries.

To me, speaking your truth through your words and actions equals strength. Allowing yourself and others to truly be who they are without judgement is liberating. The knowing we can only control our own actions and not the actions of others is a reminder we all need to hear from time to time.

With that said, I have a confession...when someone turns me down by saying, "no" or not cooperating with a plan I would like to do. I can feel so child-like inside, I’m having a mini tantrum because I didn’t get my way. I instantly change; my voice, my demeanor, my whole attitude becomes short and harsh. All because somebody doesn’t want to do something that I want them to do. Writing that statement sure puts it into perspective for me. I feel a bit of shame for admitting it however it frees me to release it. When I’m in that moment, I instantly feel like I need to protect me. My reaction is to go into defense mode. Act as if I’m big, bad and tough when in all actuality inside I’m feeling the exact opposite. As I have become more and more aware of this I have embraced this time of learning my self awareness. In life, we have many forms of relationships; personal, work, acquaintances and family. Who we are transcends into all aspects of our life. It's important to hold yourself accountable for your actions and to stop blaming or pointing fingers at others when things go pear shape. In doing so, you’ll find you’ll strengthen who you are by learning what makes you tic and how certain triggers effect you and your reactions to them. With introspection you become self aware which provides action to pause. A check-in with self, as you will. With continual practice you will discover that you’ll stop reacting and start listening. When you notice an event or situation is effecting you. Take notice and look within. What is making you feel the way you do? Sit with it and let it flow through you. This is a process...allow yourself the time and space. We want things to be instantly fixed or a clear and concise answer. This rarely happens and it’s the journey that we need to embrace. Self awareness is empowering you. You are able to come up with solutions that work for you and this will propel you to where you want to go in all aspects of your relationships in life.

I am grateful to have a partner in my life where I am able to express my words to him in the good, bad and ugly of times. We both allow a space for each other to say what we need to say and later we discuss how it makes us feel. It is this second step that I have found to be crucial to the development of the relationship we have built together. To listen to my partners words for the sake of them being from his truth, feeling and thoughts. It is then up to me, how I choose to digest them. Which goes both ways. It is always a two way street of listening without judgement. This has given us an opportunity to grow a firm foundation together where we continue to build upon as our relationship evolves. It may come across as basic to most but it’s something I have had to learn. To expose my raw self, my vulnerabilities is beyond scary but has been a very rewarding experience for me. Step off the beaten path to discover your next adventure. This is Lifein180.

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