Updated: Jan 29, 2020
My brokenness was created during a time when I needed to protect and defend myself. It was not developed for or because of you. It was for me. It defended against what my mind and heart could not process. It served its purpose then became obsolete and even more, a dead weight tethered to me. I continue shedding layers and bits of pieces of it, even taking down large sections of its walls as light finds its way through. It is still a part of me however, my view has changed. It is no longer darkness but rather, the thorns that are part of a beautiful rose.
I used to feel at my core, that I was bad or broken and not worthy of love but I have come to know that it’s not true. It’s always the loud and abrasive experiences and voices that shout this negative message at me. The things that are in my face demanding attention, present themselves as urgent and important. They lure me into believing that I need to address and react or else…however, they are facades. Each time I face and pull back the curtain on one of these beasts, I find the same feeble, weak and unimportant lie and it fades into nothingness which is what it always was.
Simultaneously, I have noticed that during every difficult time in my life, a small gentle and familiar voice also speaks to me sometimes in a whisper. It’s not in my face, it’s from deep within. It’s never loud or rude and it never puts me down. It never points out my shortcomings or mocks who I am. It’s patient, confident and strong. It’s consistent. It waits for me and repeats a powerful truth in a way that draws me toward something I can only describe as love. It’s a truth hidden beneath rubble but it is not damaged or injured, just muffled. It’s always there and accessible, patiently waiting until I am open and willing to listen.
This is the message: “Embrace, accept and love ALL of who you are while becoming who you want to be.” The voice and its message may be quite and gentle but it is far from weak. It reminds me that I am enough, I am loved and I am fully capable of loving. It’s strong because it’s true and the truth will crush the lies. It’s light in place of darkness. It is always relevant and it is always for me and never against me.
Who is this voice? God, Myself, The Universe, I Am…? It’s different for each of us so call it what you will. For me, it is I AM and I AM grateful for this message. I will continue to embrace, accept and love ALL of who I AM on my journey as I become all who I want to be.
This is "Life In 180".